How to approach a negotiation BRAVE-ly

Those of you that know me, know that when I was 26 years old, life hit me hard. I’d just lost my Dad and shortly after, our home in a hurricane. Suddenly, it was on me to create income for my family.

I had left my corporate job and planned to pursue my dream of opening a community space for entrepreneurs in Brooklyn (remember, this is in the pre-WeWork era). The problem was, it didn’t seem like the right time. I needed to make sure my Mom’s mortgage was paid and rebuild her home. So, I made the tough call to table my idea and focus on renting out my Dad’s office. I couldn’t afford an attorney, so I needed to do the negotiation solo.

The catch? I wasn’t just negotiating a lease with an every day person or even an attorney—I was negotiating with a 70-something-year-old Sicilian car dealer. Old-school. TOUGH. The kind of guy who believed men handle business, and women… well, don’t. And to him, I wasn’t even a woman, I was maybe the age of his grandkids… I was a child.

Walking into that negotiation in a business suit with polished tactics addressing him like a peer would’ve been like throwing a pebble at a brick wall. I didn’t need to agree with the way he was, I needed to understand it and use it to my advantage. I needed to be my bravest.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I used what would become The BRAVE Framework® to flip the script and land the deal. Here’s how it looked:

1. Be Present - I didn’t try to fight his beliefs. I didn’t try to show him that women could succeed in business or “girl boss” my way into victory. Instead, I accepted who he was without trying to fix or change it and decided to let his identity and way of thinking work in my favor.

2. Rapport - Knowing that any attempt to prove myself as a worthy business adversary would put us on separate teams, I decided to align WITH him—using his identity as a way to build a bond between us. He saw himself not only as a powerful businessman, but also, a family man. So, I put my suit back in the closet and arrived in jeans and a t-shirt. I didn’t use negotiating tactics, rather simply asked for the fairness that he’d want for his grandkids, if in the same situation. I showed up in a way he could connect with, a young, Italian woman who cared deeply for her family—just like he did.

3. Active Listening - Luckily, I knew his type, his cultural beliefs, his internal noise. But nevertheless, I watched him closely as I spoke, what hit him, what didn’t? I watched his body language, his tone. I listened not just to his words, but to what was beneath them. I paid close attention to his responses. I also looked around the office for other tells. Right on the wall, next to all the awards were two things: a plaque and a framed photo. The plaque was to recognize him for his work giving back to kids in the Brooklyn community. And the photo was of his entire family, his kids, their kids, many generations together. He wasn’t just a businessman; he was a man who prided himself on being a man who puts family first.

4. Vulnerability - I could have played the game and followed negotiating “tactics.” But, rather, I decided to be honest. “You knew my Dad. And I’m probably closer to the age of your grandkids than someone you normally do this with. And as much as I’d love to just make this easy, I have a number that we need to make ends meet without my Dad. You can’t ask me to go outside and tell my Mom that I failed her. Can you meet me here and we can make a deal?” Then I stopped talking and let him respond…

He called his assistant into his office and in his thick Italian accent, he asked her to make us all espressos. In that moment, I felt like I was in a movie. And I didn’t know if the ending was a deal or me getting shot. (I didn’t think that was actually going to happen, but the way it unfolded felt like it could have been a real possibility.)

5. Empathy - The moral of the story was that, I didn’t judge him. I didn’t rage against his views on women or business. I didn’t make him wrong for being someone who prided himself on winning at all costs. Instead, I appealed to his values—a good man, a family man, being someone who wouldn’t harm another family if he could help it. Someone who (I hoped) was the kind of man who couldn’t look me in the eye, while thinking of his own grandkids, and take advantage. Plus, I knew my number was fair for him.

So what happened after the espresso?

We shook hands.

It worked.

When I let him rise to be the hero of his own story—when I showed up with empathy and courage instead of strategy and ego—he shook my hand and agreed to my terms.

That moment changed everything for me.

The BRAVE Takeaway: Being BRAVE doesn’t mean dominating or proving yourself. It means showing up, fully present, with empathy, vulnerability, and intention. It’s not about changing people, it's about meeting them where they're at. It's not about being the loudest or even the smartest. It’s about being real. It's not a script or a leadership or personality type. Your power in conversation comes from stepping out of your ego, out of a focus on “getting” and rather stepping into empathy and putting your focus on being real and connecting with another human. That "gets" you further than any strategy ever will.

Three cheers to you, getting everything you want. Bravely.

My warmest,

Elisabeth

P.S. Do you have a negotiation coming up and want a new way to prepare? One that prioritizes what's going on in our brains during conversations like this -- join me for three or six months here. 2025 is a GREAT time to get BRAVE.

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