How I used hard conversations to create a stronger relationship
As the new year begins and I look at my partner sipping coffee, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for what we’ve built, not only since we met, but particularly in the last 8 months… let me explain.
When I was pregnant with our daughter, Montana, we knew life was about to change—but we didn’t know how much.
What I did know was this: I wanted us to parent with intention. To be there for each other in ways that mattered to us. To navigate the hard moments in a way that made us grow closer and stronger, not further apart (which I’ve heard is “normal” for the newborn phase). P.S. “Normal” to me means average, and average doesn’t light me up, so I — probably very much like you — just don’t accept it. I wanted extraordinary, for my daughter, but also for us, individually and as a team.
But let me tell you, that kind of connection doesn’t just happen…
Fast forward…
For the first six months of little Montana Rose’s life, my partner brought me breakfast in bed every single morning so I could and feed her and soak in those magical moments of bonding in our little cocoon. More than that, for the first two weeks, he literally fed me every bite of food I ate, as I healed and learned how to be and provide everything to our floppy little bundle of joy.
Yes, he’s the best guy, the kind I always prayed for. But like I said, this didn’t just happen. Even the best partners can’t read your mind. This magic and connection and tremendous amount of support was also possible because we had the brave conversations before Montana arrived.
We asked the hard questions, like:
• How do we want to show up for Montana? How do we want the beginning of her life to look? What does that mean for each of us?
• How do we want to show up for each other to make that possible? How do we give me the support that I need to heal?
• What will we do when it gets hard and when we disagree? What does repair look like?
These weren’t easy talks. (And they’re still happening at every phase of her growth and at every twist and turn of our life.) These conversations required vulnerability, honesty, and most of all, they required both of us to be brave. They were often uncomfortable. They brought out all of our patterns, triggers and fears. (Don’t worry, it isn’t all bad. Just remember, when have you gotten to extraordinary by taking the easy route? Never. Exactly.)
Both the conversations and the ensuing reality afterward required that every day, I leaned on The BRAVE Framework—the very thing I teach to others—to guide me through thoughts and actions.
I always do this, but in this season, BRAVE was like my life preserver, keeping me afloat when I often felt like I was drowning. I BRAVE’d myself daily. Hourly. To express my needs. To ask for help. To sit with discomfort. To listen deeply, even when I wanted to defend myself or prove my point.
Was it easy? No.
Did I show up perfectly? Hahaha not a chance.
Were there still hard and messy moments? Absolutely.
But BRAVE made those moments connective instead of divisive (mostly, gotta keep it real). The important part is that even when it wasn’t easy, BRAVE gave us a way to ensure that the conversation felt safe… and that’s the basis of hard conversations feeling easier and easier. Hard but safe pushes us forward. Hard and unsafe holds us back. Because we could have hard conversations that still felt safe, my partner and I are now closer than I imagined we could be.
Don’t get me wrong, we are human and still disagree. But having a framework to fall back on for everything communication (how to talk and most importantly, how to listen in a way that feels safe) gave us both an anchor. We both knew that the other was really trying, and turns out — that makes even imperfect communication feel good.
That’s why this new year, I’m not just grateful for him (although, man-oh-man, I am ❤️). I’m grateful for the tools that helped us get here. Tools that transformed a time that’s notoriously hard for couples into a season of deeper connection and respect. I’m also grateful for his openness to use them and dive into the trenches (with me and independently) to do the work of getting to extraordinary.
Not surprisingly during this past year, I found even more ways to apply BRAVE professionally as well as personally. Ways to address how things can go sideways at fast growing companies as well as within busy, growing families… communication issues tend to extend throughout the entire human experience.
I’ll be honest: you don’t need the BRAVE Framework to survive life’s challenges. People hang on by their toes for what feels like decades. But if you’re the kind of person who values growth, who wants to be moving forward rather than marching in place. If you want to collapse time between where you are and where you want to be. To leverage challenges as opportunities to grow in your leadership and emerge more connected, more grounded, and more confident—BRAVE is the guide you didn’t know you needed.
If you’re claiming 2025 as your year to put down the bs excuses you’ve given yourself and take your power back in relationships, to make them happier, healthier and more productive —be them professional or personal — reply here and I’ll send you the registration link to my BRAVE Accelerator program. It’s a combination of self paced content and live, virtual gatherings to workshop ways to apply the content to your life — in a way that works for you. All the coolest leaders are doing it ;) and happier because of it.
Raising my coffee mug to an even Happier New Year for you and yours!
Bravely,
Elisabeth
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