How to spot polarization on your team and what to do next…
As the election season approaches here in the US, we’re once again reminded of how powerfully our world has become divided. This isn’t only happening in politics; it seeps into our workplaces, communities, and even families. The result? A “them versus us” mentality that chips away at trust, curiosity, and the chance for real connection... but also, our ability to perform and to thrive
According to the 2023 Edelman Trust Barometer, societal polarization has reached unprecedented levels, scary ones. It stated that 80% of people are unwilling to live in the same neighborhood or have a coworker who does not share their point of view. And 70% of people would not help someone in need if they didn’t share their viewpoints.
Your BRAVE Challenge for the week:
As you read this newsletter, and navigate your world today, I want to challenge you to notice something:
How often do you choose being right over building trust or getting to know someone more deeply?
Choose is probably the wrong word because I’d venture to guess that when you prioritize proving your point, it doesn’t feel like you chose that response, it feels more like it just happens. Like it was beyond your control. Right? So let me reframe: how often do you find yourself needing to prove your point, make sure people understand your position, needing to boil things down to “the facts” or maybe even ignoring or judging people who disagree?
Even a quick mental inventory of the past few days might make it clear that status management over rapport (being right over building trust) is pretty common, for you, for everyone. We all want to be good and right. But you’ve heard the phrase, “would you rather be right or be happy?” The research supports that being in connection trumps being right when it comes to what’s best for not only our happiness, but also our performance and our wellbeing.
So clearly, this isn’t about which box you check on a ballot, far from it. This is about how you respond to people who believe or experience different things from you. As leaders, we have a responsibility that goes beyond making decisions for ourselves—we shape environments for those around us. We influence whether our families, communities, and teams feel safe enough to speak up, to take risks, to question things and most importantly, to disagree.
If you can’t disagree about one thing, like a belief that might have a political implication, then how can you feel comfortable openly disagreeing with a proposed marketing strategy, product build timeline or q4 projections? Your job as a leader is to create the environment that welcomes disagreement, about everything. That’s how you build trust (and crush polarization), by welcoming each and every viewpoint and not needing to be right…
How to spot polarization
As you step back, especially if you’re familiar with The BRAVE Framework®, this all boils down to building Rapport. So, let that be your signal. In a polarized group, or a corporate culture that doesn’t have enough rapport — you’ll see two things: 1.) Either, people will blatantly blame and speak out “against” others. 2.) Or, the more insidious and hard to decipher signal is that people will hesitate. No matter how smart or driven, they will stay quiet, disengage, shrink back, be careful about what they say, who they say it to, and how much they reveal. When someone feels judged, or the potential to be judged, like they’ll be placed on “the other team” just for sharing their truth, they walk on egg shells. They won’t bring forward their different viewpoints, their most creative ideas. They don’t reveal what support they need, and they certainly don’t bring their best selves. And we can’t afford that—not in our families, not on our teams that need to do more with less and certainly not in our communities.
So what might you see? Other than the more obvious blame or defensiveness, it’s possible that your people will be silent. You won’t hear about problems or fears, making you think all is well. But silence doesn’t always signal that things are ok. Silence is often the slow killer of culture or, to bring it closer to home, relationships. Last time you avoided an issue with someone for a while, what happened to the relationship? It eroded, didn’t it? It certainly didn’t strengthen… amiright?
“But I didn’t mean to…”
So many leaders say, “I don’t do that” or espouse nice theories like “we have an open door policy.” But their teams tell me otherwise. It makes me sad, actually. I’ve literally had executives boast about their amazing culture, when employees in their company turn around and call it toxic later that week. I’ve had the “open door policy” value quoted by the CEO and employees come back saying, “that’s great but all the doors in our office literally stay closed, so I don’t believe it.” amiright?
The moral of the story is that, again, your intentions don’t mean as much as putting in the time to KNOW, with certainty (and ideally some scientific research backing) what to do instead. Your leaders need to know HOW to show up, not just a nebulous directive like “be more empathetic” or “build trust.” Too often, leaders think they’re crushing it, only for their people to have a completely different experience.
The results of polarization
At its core, polarization limits us. It makes us draw boundaries, put up walls and when someone steps outside those lines—whether with a vote, an opinion, or a different life experience—it makes us quick to see them as “other.” Seeing people around us as “other” shuts us down, keeps us stressed and in protective mode. This instinct to protect our own ideas isn’t just instinctual; it’s also deeply human. But here’s the thing: it shuts down our creativity, our capacity to connect and our ability to problem solve. Do you and your people need those skills to be a winning team or organization — or family? I bet you do.
In today’s complex environment, BRAVE leaders recognize that winning isn’t about being right. It’s about connecting, even when it’s hard and especially when it’s uncomfortable. BRAVE leaders see polarization as an opportunity: a chance to get curious, to dig deeper, and to put their tools and skills to work building stronger bonds across differences. The result? Teams, families, and communities that win, at all costs. Because they are built on a foundation of trust, not a mountain of buzz words and nice theories.
🌎 There’s one choice that stands between a polarized team, family, WORLD and a connected one: YOUR RESPONSE. Funny how this keeps coming up, isn’t it?
How to stop reacting in a polarizing way
Build Rapport: When someone challenges your perspective, you can react with division, assigning them to “the other side” or needing to prove how good and right your perspective is… Or you can take a step back, acknowledge that urge to react, and choose building rapport (the R in BRAVE) instead.
Actively listen: To build rapport, the science behind BRAVE urges us to actively listen (the A) to better understand them, not to build our response or defense against them. Through actively listening we become better able to identify vulnerability (the V) and then step into empathy (the E).
To break it down into specifics:
Decide that you’re going to do whatever it takes to build a bond with this person through this issue.
Put down the need to be right and open yourself up to building a bridge rather than a wall
Then, listen to the emotions, hopes, fears, backstory and likely internal noise that colors their perspective.
Hear their vulnerability and instead of asking yourself how they could be so “different”
Ask yourself what you might learn if you cultivated empathy, curiosity, listened to understand them.
Chances are, you’ll find that there’s a reason they think the way they do—a story, a fear, or a lesson that shaped them. You might even find that, underneath it all, you have similar hopes and fears that might simply have played out as different life experiences. You may just find that you like and respect them a little more, not less.
Could we perhaps make politics less about candidates and more about our capacity to connect across ideas?
Can we make this election (but really our every day lives) about how good we are at getting to know the people around us—about their histories, their fears, and the internal noise they navigate?
I believe, with BRAVE, we can.
The cure for polarization: YOU
I find myself constantly challenging leaders like you to take a stand—not a political one, but a human one. The path to a connected, safe, high performing, thriving world isn’t paved by winning arguments; it’s paved by building understanding, connection, rapport so strong it doesn’t waiver. As leaders, you set the tone. You’re in a position to either contribute to the division or to create the conditions where people feel safe to be themselves, to voice their stories, and to be heard.
The truth is, none of us can undo polarization alone. But each of us can decide, one response at a time, to show up differently. To choose curiosity over reaction, to build bridges where it might feel easier to put up walls. To be BRAVE.
Send this to one other person that, like you, is on a mission to be part of the solution (or maybe someone who isn’t). Let’s gather and support others, regardless of where they stand.
Thank you for being part of this journey toward a more connected, resilient world. And when you find yourself wanting the tools to make this shift in every conversation, every decision, and every relationship — our course and a thriving community of leaders is here to support your journey.
With you, BRAVE-ly
Elisabeth
