Turning intention into impact with active listening
There’s something about our routine conversations that many people miss. It’s especially true of those small, daily exchanges, the ones that don’t feel particularly notable or “brave”. In my experience, these interactions actually hold more weight than we realize. These small, everyday, unremarkable moments are what set the tone and the environment in our relationships. The discussion in this week’s Implementation Lab (the group coaching sessions that come along with our course) proved that these little exchanges also cut to the heart of effective leadership. Our responses are crucial in building rapport, trust and psychological safety (the key to high performing teams and strong relationships). Our responses can be the difference between success and failure, strong and splintered relationships.
So what do I mean, specifically? You know those statements people make that can be interpreted in a bunch of different ways? Something like “the kids need to get dressed for school” or “I don’t know if I can get that done by Friday.” These statements don’t ask anything outright. But are they actually just stating facts, or is there deeper intention beneath them? As leaders, what do we do with statements like these? Do we respond to the specific words we hear? A better question might be: how do we respond BRAVE-ly?
Let’s explore…
Behind the scenes
What’s actually happening here? We’ve all had people in our lives that make a statement, maybe hoping you’ll read between the lines. It can be wildly frustrating, I know. I've been on both sides. To be clear: is this it ideal? No. But, as leaders, we need to be the ones to rise — that’s what leaders do. SO, should our response be calling them out for not using the proper wording? Also, likely no. Here’s why:
When someone makes a statement like this, they’re testing the waters of psychological safety. These statements are rarely just casual remarks. In fact, it often takes a lot for people to speak up in this way, and they might feel shame or hesitation in even hinting that they need support. They’re not just stating facts, like it may seem—they’re gauging whether they’re safe to show vulnerability with you. They’re saying “do you have my back?” and wondering "will I be judged?"
This is why correcting them or saying, “why don’t you just ask me?” doesn’t go over too well. Maybe you already found that out ;) Why didn’t they just ask you directly for what they want in the first place? Because they’re working up to that. They want to trust you and feel comfortable asking for support. This is their first step. This is where the A in the BRAVE Framework® comes in.
The A - Active listening in action at work
What is Active listening? I go in depth (great depth) on the nuances of it and examples in Module 4 of our course but in brief, it’s how we build rapport. It’s the ability to hear what isn’t being said. The act of using all of your senses to “listen” beyond the words.
Let’s unpack the professional example above.
An employee comes to you and says, “I don’t know if I can get this done by Friday.” Without context, this could sound like a factual statement, even an excuse. But with a bit of active listening, you notice their voice sounds a bit tense, and they avoid eye contact, perhaps signaling they’re worried about the reaction or fearful of judgment. As a leader, you have a choice in how you respond. If you can’t see the person making the statement (which is now common in remote environments), you could focus on the words alone and miss the opportunity to build rapport.
Once again, is it ideal to make an indirect statement like this? No. But if you’re seeing this, it’s a step in a positive direction. They're basically saying, "can I be vulnerable with you?" Your response will either open the door to trust or reinforce their hesitation. Instead of focusing on perfect phrasing or saying “why didn’t you just ask for help directly?” — remember that the person on the other side is human, and like all of us, might be carrying anxiety about showing vulnerability.
Again, it comes down to ownership. No one will make you wrong for saying “why can’t they just ask me directly?” Because, sure that would be great. But GREAT leaders don’t look for who to blame or for a way out, they take responsibility at every interval possible. They see every opportunity for their response to impact the outcome. They know that their response is all they can control and that if they show up for their people, their people will show up for them. The most successful leaders I've seen run with that knowledge, driving positive results and impact along their journey.
Active listening in action at home
Let’s explore a personal example. Your partner says, “the kids need to get dressed for school.” On the surface, this sounds like a simple statement—a straightforward observation. Without more information, you could respond in various ways:
“Yes, they do.”
“Yes, maybe they’re old enough to start dressing themselves”
“Yes, you should go get them dressed.”
“Do you want me to get them dressed?”
When you take the statement on words alone, technically none of these responses would be incorrect. But, now, let’s add some context that active listening would reveal.
Imagine your partner saying “the kids need to get dressed for school” as they move around the house with a sense of urgency, handling multiple tasks at once. Their tone sounds slightly strained, and their body language signals exhaustion. By actively listening—paying attention to their tone, movements, and overall demeanor—you begin to understand that this isn’t just a neutral observation. It’s an unspoken request for support.
What they might really be saying is, “I’m overwhelmed and could use some help.” But instead of explicitly asking for assistance, they’re testing the waters, expressing vulnerability in an indirect way. Much like in the workplace, asking for help at home can feel vulnerable, sometimes even uncomfortable. People often carry an internal fear of seeming weak or incapable, even with those closest to them. So instead of asking for help directly, they phrase it as a statement—hoping you’ll see the need without them having to fully expose it. Is it perfect? Again, no, but it’s real life.
Turning intention into impact
In moments like this, it can be tempting (especially with a partner or someone you're comfortable with) to respond with something like, “Why don’t you just ask me?” or even, “If you need help, say so.” Your intention is to do what they need. You want them to cut to the chase so you can be more effective and supportive. But these reactions can close the door to trust, signaling that it’s not safe to communicate indirectly or to express vulnerability imperfectly. Just like the work example, this tiny moment could build huge amounts of psychological safety, or not. It’s not about being “right” or expecting perfect communication. The person on the other side of that imperfect statement is human, just like you, managing their own internal noise and insecurities. An indirect statement met with a supportive response could lead to a direct ask next time. And if not next time, at minimum, it could lead to a conversation about how you want them to feel comfortable asking you for whatever they need. A supportive response to an imperfect statement actually gets you closer to where YOU want to go, too.
Whether at home or at work, actively listening in these moments shows people they’re safe to express their needs, even if they can’t articulate them perfectly. It’s a reminder that we’re all vulnerable in our own ways, and sometimes, the subtext beneath a statement reveals far more than the words themselves. By choosing to listen actively, we become the kind of partners, friends, and leaders who build trust, not just through what we say, but through how we respond to what others struggle to say.
Three tips for practicing active listening:
Look for non-verbal cues - Often, people communicate far more through tone, body language, and eye contact than they do with words alone. Research from Psychology Today reveals that 55%, more than half, of communication is non-verbal. Pausing to pick up on these cues can reveal someone’s true feelings, especially if they’re reluctant to ask for help outright.
Respond with empathy, not corrections - When someone’s statement could have been clearer, resist the urge to correct them or ask for a “better” request. Active listening means responding with understanding. According to Harvard Business Review, leaders who listen without judgment foster environments where teams feel trusted and empowered to speak up. If you want people to ask directly, support them in the baby steps it might take them to feel comfortable getting there.
Acknowledge their vulnerability - When people hint at needing help, they’re taking a risk. A simple affirmation—like “I appreciate you sharing this”—goes a long way in validating their experience. Studies from The Gottman Institute show that acknowledging vulnerability is key to building strong, trusting relationships.
Active listening is always important, but when we’re in a remote or hybrid environment, it becomes paramount. If you’d like to join us for a live Masterclass on “How to be a better remote communicator” sign up here!
BRAVE questions for you
Where in your conversations—whether at home or at work—can you focus more on listening actively?
What relationship would benefit from you “listening” for more than just the words?
Active listening makes you the bridge. For the person you’re responding to, you’re the bridge to safety. For you as the leader, active listening is the bridge to impact, to trust and to unshakable relationships. When you’re able to actively listen in little moments like these, the people around you are better able to rise during big moments, because they already know you have their back. Leaders don’t say someone else needs to change for things to work. Leaders take ownership, morph and grow so that they can spearhead and model that shift — in big moments and in little ones. Leaders are role models that go first and influence the people around them. Leaders lead by doing.
So, let it be an experiment — if there’s someone in your life that might benefit from active listening, try it and let me know how it goes! Or if this resonates with how you’ve felt as the speaker of the indirect, imperfect statement, share this with someone that you’d love to better understand you and be a bridge for you. We’re all doing the best we can but a little support goes a long way!
Bravely,
Elisabeth
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