Why performance reviews don't create change

It's performance review season...

And I had a conversation yesterday and it reminded me about a topic I could talk about all day: being someone who gets the best out of people.

We've all seen someone for whom getting the best out of others looks effortless. "How do they do that?!" we wonder to ourselves. We try to create the same results, but something is off. The things we try just don't work.

Here's why...

Most leaders think they’re doing the right thing.

They don’t avoid the hard conversations. They lean in. They’re direct. They address the tough stuff head-on.

And yet—nothing changes.

They've risen to the level of leader, or even executive. They’ve done leadership trainings. They’ve held off-sites, brought in keynote speakers, done all the assessments. Maybe they've even done one of the known communication trainings out there. They've had performance conversations with people who aren’t pulling their weight.

And still, the same issues keep coming back. Well, in truth, they were never actually resolved. They were just talked about.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

The problem isn’t that you avoid having hard conversations. It’s how you’re having them.

Too many leaders mistake bluntness or clarity for effectiveness. They think saying the thing out loud is the victory. But a hard conversation that doesn’t create movement isn’t a win—it’s just repeating the cycle of frustration.

Most Performance Conversations Aren’t Conversations at All

Here’s something that drives me crazy. Most of the time, what you call a “performance conversation” is actually a monologue. (Ouch, did I just call you out?🙊)

A manager lays out the problem. They outline what needs to change. They explain why it's important and the impact it's having on the team. They are very clear. They do it in the name of accountability. After all, this is important.

And the employee sits there, nodding. Maybe they defend themselves. Maybe they shut down. Maybe they say something like,“I’ll work on it.”

And then? Nothing changes.

The manager means well, they often have more than the baseline of emotional intelligence as well, but somehow they still swing and miss…

Why? Because these conversations—if we can even call them that—put the manager and the employee on separate teams.

Neurologically, when someone feels called out, blamed, or spoken at instead of with, their brain shifts into defense mode. They’re less likely to engage, problem-solve, or take ownership. They’re just trying to get through it without taking a bigger hit.

This is why traditional performance conversations don’t work. (And don’t even get me started on the concept of the PIP, “performance improvement plan” 🙄). It's because managers never learned how to give people what they actually need (neurologically) to change:

• A sense of safety—so they can process and respond instead of react.

• A sense of ownership—so they feel like an active part of the solution.

• A sense of capability—so they believe they can do better.

P.S. Even companies that host just one BRAVE session start doing this better, because they learn the science behind it. If you're interested, it's specifically our Language of High Performance Leadership workshop that addresses this and goes deep on what we need to give people for them to take action and change.

Hard Conversations Shouldn’t Divide. They Should Activate.

Having the hard conversation, addressing the elephant in the room—that’s only part of the goal.

Doing it in a way that invites action is what actually makes the difference.

That’s what so many leaders miss. That’s why teams get stuck in the same cycles.

BRAVE isn’t about just having the conversation. It’s about making the conversation work.

Because real leadership isn’t about saying the hard thing. It’s about saying it in a way that creates lasting change.

I’ve said it before and I'll say it again. Your culture isn’t broken. Your conversations are. But there’s a way to fix them. And it will give you a leg up on your competition, because honestly (unfortunately) most teams aren't doing this yet.

It’s what we teach inside BRAVE®. It's what I've devoted myself to sharing with the world. And it's the reason why our leaders don’t just have conversations, they build cultures where conversations create action, movement, excellence.

So, if you’re tired of talking, you know what to do...

Good luck on your performance reviews!

Also, I'd love your opinion! I've been thinking of recording quick 5 minute or under primers for different important conversations that need to incite ACTION. Would you listen to a quick recording before doing something like a performance review to put you in the right, BRAVE mindset? Let me know!

Bravely,

Elisabeth

P.S. this works at home, too! 😍